Expectations play a significant role in shaping our experience in life. Having a clear vision for yourself is vital to playing bigger. Having the “right” expectations can serve as gateposts along the journey to fulfilling that vision. It can be a true catalyst for growth.
Most of the time, we humans live in a world of unrealistic expectations – beliefs about a future event, outcome, or situation that is not grounded in reality. The fact is, our outcomes will always be a direct expression of our effort, our focus, and our work!
I often see expectations in my players not aligning with actual circumstances, capabilities, or probabilities. Unrealistic expectations tend to be overly demanding and lead to disappointment, frustration, and dissatisfaction when they are not met.
Worst of all – when expectations go unrealized, the human brain starts falling into the dark pit of self-doubt.
The Expectation Pitfall
Expectations are the mental benchmarks we set for ourselves. They can be powerful motivators, but they can also be our own worst enemies when they veer into unrealistic territory. Here’s how unrealistic expectations affect us:
- Frustration: Having an expectation for our performance that is inconsistent with where we sit in our development.
- Loss of Confidence: Continuous disappointment due to unmet expectations can lead to doubting our abilities.
- Stagnation: When we focus solely on significant, dramatic improvements, we overlook the small steps needed for progress.
Behavioral science tells us that expectations can strongly influence our performance.
The Science Behind Expectations
Understanding the phenomenon known as the self-fulfilling prophecy effect is critical to hacking our expectations.
A self-fulfilling prophecy is where our belief or expectation brings about its own realization, influencing our behavior in a way that makes the outcome more likely to occur. Our perceptions and expectations can shape reality, often without us being aware of the influence our mindset has on our outcomes.
For example, I had a young player shoot his best competitive round last weekend. This week, during his practice, he seemed distracted, and his mechanics were a little sloppy – it seemed like he regressed. I observed and didn’t intervene until he finally asked for my guidance. The conversation was simple: “What are your expectations now that you shot your best?”
It was a less than 10-minute conversation. One outstanding performance was all it took for him to set an expectation in his mind that he now had to shoot that score every time. This is golf - that is unrealistic.
By reshaping his expectations, we restored his belief that he could achieve his next goal without the pressure of unrealistic expectations. We freed him up to be his natural self.
He stayed on the range for another 45 minutes, and I watched him hit awesome shot after awesome shot. His mindset shift was a small breakthrough that will have a massive impact when he plays his next tournament this weekend.
The Power of Small Breakthroughs
Golf, like life, is a series of small moments that accumulate to create better results of significant change.
Instead of fixating on a dramatic breakthrough, I work with my players to embrace small breakthroughs. These are the incremental improvements that, over time, lead to substantial progress. (Hey, parents, small breakthroughs in performance need way more celebration.)
Confidence is built by focusing on the process and celebrating each small win—a successful putt, an intelligent decision, lowering your best competitive score by one stroke—and creating a positive feedback loop.
Breaking down improvement into small breakthroughs enables me to work with my players to overcome the negative side of expectations and fuel motivation for hard work.
Hard Work Plays a Role
Expectations correlate directly with the amount of work we’re willing to put in.
If we aim to “play bigger,” we need to honor the vision we’ve created for ourselves while recognizing that each practice session, hole played, and swing taken contributes to our overall progress.
In golf, intangibles matter just as much as they do in life. Character. Integrity. Discipline. How we treat others. How we carry ourselves. These all play a role in how far we can go.
Here is an example. I have a young student, she is 9 years old. She has the makings of being an excellent player. I asked her what she wanted to accomplish, and she said she wanted to win at least one season at every age level of her U.S. Kids tournaments. So, we went to work.
I’ve had tough conversations with her about being intentional, focused, and respectful of the game and her competition – not just every time she steps on the course for practice, play, or competition – but in every phase of her life. She’s got the game, but we’ve been working on her self-belief and setting expectations that source her, not demean her. I’ve also worked with her parents to make sure they respect the process and manage their expectations in a manner that gives her every chance to succeed.
When writing this, she’s already won 4 of 5 of the season’s events. She’s on her way, but nothing is handled. We focus on setting expectations within her control, giving her the freedom to be creative, focused, and confident.
Setting Realistic Goals
To manage our expectations in golf effectively, we need goals that breathe life into our game rather than steal it.
Instead of aiming for a dramatic transformation overnight, setting goals aligning with smaller breakthroughs gives us a chance to take meaningful steps forward. This might include improving our accuracy, increasing our consistency, or enhancing our mental resilience.
In golf, as in life, expectations can be both a driving force and a potential obstacle. Understanding the science of expectations and the power of small breakthroughs can help us all strike a balance between ambition and realism.
Remember, every training session, every hole played, and every swing taken brings us one step closer to our vision. By setting achievable goals and embracing the journey, we can “play bigger” in a fulfilling and sustainable way.
